Help! How to Un-slump after your Kids are Sick
Hack, rattle, wheeze. Cough, cough, whaaaa!!! Welcome to our sick house! It’s winter in Canada, and the latest versions of Covid and whatever else came to stay for awhile. I guess we’re good hosts!
Since October, we’ve taking turns between myself, my husband Ryan, toddler, and baby, with at least one of us fighting something. We had one absolutely miraculous healthy week between Christmas and new years. Then we all got colds, which turned to coughs, which turned to bronchitis, ear infections, and violent bouts of croup in the children. Finally, after all my best “crunchy mama” efforts didn’t cut it, we turned to antibiotics. Thankfully, they seem to be healthy again for now, but, what a month it’s been!
While I’m thankful the children are better, the aftermath of a bout of illness like that is something akin to a train wreck, so don’t you dare judge the condition of our house! No one quite has their energy or their appetites back, gut microbiomes have taken quite a hit, and we’ve been existing on deli meat. My nerves are worn to a frazzle from the worries that gnaw at me while I’m up with a sick child, and we’ve all been too exhausted to accomplish more than the basics of survival. Days like these remind me of part of a Dr Seuss book, Oh, The Places You’ll Go! “…You’ll get all hung up in a prickly perch. You’ll come down from that perch with an unpleasant bump! And chances are then, that you’ll be in a slump. When you’re in a slump, you’re not in for much fun. Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.” But, how DO we un-slump ourselves? While the reality is a lot more challenging than a cute little list can do justice to, I’ll share some tips with you that have helped us get through some hard days.
Cut out extra events
Ask yourself, “How important is this event, really? In three days from now, if we’re all sick again, and dead tired from overdoing it, will I still be glad that we went to the party?” Would going change the trajectory of your life significantly? Some events are so special or consequential that they’re worth some downtime for recovery afterwards. At our house, Christmas with family would definitely be worth it. Birthday parties, barely. Try to cut out or reschedule anything that doesn’t matter, or can be done later. Don’t allow other people to guilt you into going away when you know best what your family can and cannot handle. They won’t be there to help you entertain your whiny toddler, or comfort your teething baby at night.
Take probiotics
In our family, probiotics are something we take regularly, due to allergies and less-than-robust immune systems, but they’re beneficial for most people when recovering from an illness, especially after a course of antibiotics. We mostly use the HMF line, from Genestra. The powdered baby probiotic is easy to mix into fruit puree, offering an option for breastfed babies, and a different one for formula fed babies. The child tablets are yummy chewables, and the intensive capsules are easy to swallow for adults. They have multiple other options as well. We love that they’re dairy free, readily available, competitively priced, and that naturopathic doctors we’ve worked with have recommended them. On a day-to-day basis, Ryan and I take Ultra Flora Balance, by Metagenics. Although it doesn’t have nearly as many CFUs (the measure of how many live bacteria are present,) it’s much more affordable for daily use, and also dairy free. We’ve also been on a journey lately to include homemade, food- based probiotics in our lives. These include kombucha, which I’ve been making for awhile, as well as a couple new things we’ve been enjoying lately. I’ve recently incorporated raw sheep’s milk kefir, and cultured vegetables (basically sourkraut,) into our lives. While all that might sound pretty hard- core crunchy, its really pretty easy! I might have to go into more detail in another post, but basically, I ordered some starter cultures from Cutting Edge Cultures. (Heyday Fermentables in Canada.) They come with all the directions you need, and, ***WIN*** the kefir doesn’t have gross floaties, and you don’t have to make it every day!!! Just note that while some of the starters are ok at room temperature, some do need to be refrigerated once they get to you.
Switch out toys and books for the kids
This one is pretty self explanatory. If you have too many toys to trip over, stick a bunch of stuff away in a box. When your children need a change of scenery to help them refocus on productive play, get the box out and have them help you decide what to put away instead. Going to the library is another way to keep interesting books around. Try not to resort to adding screen time.
Ask for help
You know that nice guy you married? Chances are, he’ll be happy to help you with the dishes and get the kids ready for bed, if you ask him sweetly. The key here is to ask, not nag or boss. Must guys want to slay dragons for the woman they love, and at our house, that often means vacuuming or taking out the garbage. If I let him know that I’ve had a hard day with the kids, and I’m super tired for whatever combination of reasons, he’s usually glad to help out at home. However, I’ve discovered that more explaining about how hard my day was, does not equal a more cheerful, helpful husband. The more I try to make him understand how rough my life is, the less valid it apparently sounds to him, and my words suddenly fall on deaf ears. Instead, (and this is not about manipulating, it’s about maintaining a positive relationship,) if I greet him cheerfully when he gets home, and ask sweetly whether he’d mind entertaining the children so I can heat supper, he’s more than happy to. I’ve also had to learn to fight the urge to go on and on apologizing for allowing him to help. Groveling apologies like this are still rooted in a selfish kind of wounded pride. A sincere “thank- you” is much more well- received, and allows him to feel like the hero that he is. So, for review: Ask, don’t boss or complain, and thank, don’t apologize or grovel.
Put your own oxygen mask on, without guilt!
This can be a hard one not to fall into one of the two ditches of. My selfish nature might want to leave my children with Grandma every week, while I go out for coffee with a friend. While this is something I might do once a year for a birthday treat, I personally can’t feel good about behaving this way regularly.
However, in my effort to be self-sacrificing, I also find it hard to avoid the other ditch. Serving our families in love shouldn’t mean that we neglect our own needs and end up feeling like martyrs. If I’m beyond exhausted, I can actually serve my family better when I choose to take a nap, and then function like a human again, rather than drag myself around in a crabby funk all evening.
My husband is better at looking after himself that I am, when it comes to sleep. If he’s tired, he sleeps. Never mind the dishes, the laundry, or anything else. Rather that resenting his self-appointed freedom to prioritize his sleep, I’m learning to take it as permission to do the same.
Don’t forget to take whatever remedies, supplements, or whatever else you need to keep your own health supported. It can be hard to do; when your kids are sick you’re constantly busy shoving medicine down their throats, but don’t let things slide for too long. Often, I shove my own stuff into a drawer to make room for their stuff, and then once they’re better, I wonder why I feel run down. We moms need all of our own ducks in a row more desperately than ever, when we’re dealing with the extra stress of sick children. I’m lucky enough to have a mom who reminds me, but I’ll pay it forward to you right now. 🙂
Keep food real, and simple.
For us, that means meat, potatoes or grains, and vegetables. It often ends up looking like soup. 😀 Make a huge pot while you’re at it, so you don’t have to cook the next night. I like to freeze enough for a meal or two as well. I also keep super handy protein options available in case things just don’t come together before Ryan gets home. Fish fillets don’t take long to thaw, and you can fry them up super quickly. I also like to have healthy home canned soups and meats on hand, like naturally raised chicken, stewing beef, and pork and turkey sausage. (I believe the official recommendation is to use a pressure canner for the canning process, to avoid potential botulism.) Once safely in jars, canned meat is room temperature and fully cooked, so nothing beats it for speed!
Tidy up, as soon as you can crawl
Didn’t underestimate the power of a tidy house. There’s a time to let things slide, to focus on more urgent things, but I often fail to notice when that time is over. I cannot overstate how much better it makes me feel when toys and crumbs are off of the floor, the kitchen sink is empty, and the table is clear of junk.
Put down your phone
Seriously. Said the hypocrite on her phone right now. I’m terrible at this myself, but I’ve learned that when I’m tired and can’t focus, I do everyone a favour by lying down to rest, rather than killing time online. Don’t sabotage your own goals and your family life by wasting time on your phone! Take a real nap if you’re tired. Your family will thank you.
Let the joy of the Lord be your strength!
Finally, and most importantly, try to change the way you view your situation. It is AMAZING what a difference an intentional mind-shift can make. If I let myself think like a martyr by pitying myself and dwelling on all the sacrifices I’m making for my children and husband, I turn into a sour, bitter, resentful woman. This affects everyone, and makes us all miserable. I’m not suggesting lying to yourself and pretending that you’re caught up in sleep, or that you’re socially living it up, when that’s obviously not the case. Instead, actively look for things in your situation to be thankful for. Notice how God is there, walking alongside you through the trenches of motherhood.
We recently had a scary night with our 6-month-old who had a terrible bout of croup. We ended up calling 911 and going to emerge in the ambulance. We had hoped for a more typical night than that, but God showed up in unexpected ways. It was such a blessing to have a wonderful doctor, who took the time to reassure us about the drugs our son needed, and even brought us Tim Hortons coffee on his break! Little miracles like this only reach their full potential in our lives when we receive them with gratitude.
Really lean into, and practice, joy. I believe every word of the Bible, and, “The joy of the Lord is my strength. Nehemiah 8:10,” is no exception. When I feel stressed out and tense, tired, and prone to pity myself, it’s incredible what a shift takes place when I take a deep breath, let out the tension in my shoulders, and allow myself to experience the JOY of the Lord! This certainly isn’t a magic replacement for sleep or good nutrition, but it’s equally foundational for our energy and wellbeing. I can take all the best supplements money can buy, but if I allow myself to wallow in self-pity, I’ll still be a miserable woman. Thought patterns are like muscles: the ones we use get stronger and the ones we ignore get weak. So, exercise your joy muscle, and fulfill your calling to be the vibrant, glowing heart of your home!
Disclaimer:
Everything in this post is true to the best of my knowledge. What works for us might not benefit you in the same way. Nothing on this blog is intended as medical advice. Please speak with your health care practitioner before trying new supplements recommended by idiot bloggers like myself. Also, note that most of my links are for Canadian sites. Many of the same products are available in the US as well, and can be found via a quick Google search. Lastly, this post is not endorsed by anyone. I just love to share what’s been working for us, in hopes that something might resonate with you!
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